My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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