I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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