My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize