we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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