at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize