I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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