I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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