all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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