SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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