cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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