You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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