There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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