Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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