maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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