I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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