i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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