Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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