It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize