During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize