There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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