Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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