I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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