i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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