Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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