Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize