Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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