so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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