I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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