Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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