Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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