so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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