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3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
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