it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize