u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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