This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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