i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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