he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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