Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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