he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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