My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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