I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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