There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize