I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize