Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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