the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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