she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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