You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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