i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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