there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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