why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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