I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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